Reconnecting

Went home last weekend for my younger step-sister’s wedding, a really lovely, simple affair in Evergreen.

My sisters’ father died a few years ago, and I know that one of the things put a damper on that day was his loss.  I feel deeply for them, even if I didn’t know at the time what to say or what to do, what to offer.

Sitting with my own father at the reception, I managed not to bawl, not to get grim and uncomfortable when he said that he’d like to be able to dance at my wedding (so many ifs there that the prospect alone is far-fetched – that I’d get married, that I’d have a wedding, that he’d move beyond the stage he is now in order to achieve that goal). But I was able to tell him honestly that nothing would make me happier.

Maybe the event sparked something for both of us. When I talked to him yesterday, he said he’d gone to the gym, done enough reps that he could feel a good burn. It makes me proud.

My own training proceeds. I missed the weekly ass-crack of dawn distance training on Saturday morning due to being at the wedding in Colorado, but I did manage to hike with my mom in Palmer Park (earning myself yet another stellar special occasion sunburn), walk a little, do the elliptical and the stationary bike (in a gym at the hotel, at higher elevation, with me panting and sweating like I’d never raised my heart rate in my life), and walk some more.

Interval training yesterday because I’m determined to become at least somewhat of a runner – and that was made far easier by the super smart shoes I just bought. The Running Store in Colorado Springs spent an hour watching me walk and run until we found the perfect shoe.  (I have so much more understanding of my friend Stephanie now, who used to ask for running shoes for her birthday. Of course, Steph does marathons now, so she’s already someone to emulate).

It’s the most I’ve ever spent on a shoe that didn’t sport a wicked sexy heel.

I’ve finally come to realize that the marathon itself doesn’t mean much to me personally. It’s the training I need, the daily and weekly and monthly assessment of myself, of my surroundings, of my needs and abilities. It’s that discipline of mind and body, that way to find a center when I’ve spent so much time floundering.